Sexual history is not a favourite topic among couples or intending couples. Sex and past relationships are two topics people are most hesitant to talk about. But it is important for every sexual relationship because both partners can benefit from the information.
There is a general belief that sharing your past sexual experiences with your current partner can be a threat to the current relationship, especially in cases where it may seem that one of the partners, especially the woman, has “too much” experience. Common sayings like: “Keep the past in the past,” makes a lot of people keep the details of their past to themselves.
So what exactly should you tell your partner about your past? Why should you? And when is the right time? I personally wouldn’t advise sharing ALL the details, but not sharing anything at all is not the best idea.
So what exactly is sexual history?
Sexual history is everything that happened in your sex life in the past. It is unique to you, it is about your sexual health, experiences, and fantasies.
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It includes how many times you’ve had sex, how many people you’ve had it with, any occurrence of STDs (sexually transmitted diseases) contraceptives, boundaries, and kinks.
Sharing your sexual past with your partner can lead to a deeper and better sex life. It helps partners understand each other’s needs and wants in the bedroom. Being open and honest facilitates and strengthens intimacy on different levels. In an open and honest conversation about the sexual past, each partner can share their thoughts, worries, and expectations. This can help to make decisions regarding their sex life going forward.
Achieving safe sex is important in a relationship. So couples should let their partners know whether they have ever been tested for STDs.
So how do you have that conversation?
Before jumping right in, it is important that the partners are comfortable and ready to have the conversation. It is recommended to set boundaries beforehand as to how much information you wish to share.
The goal of a sexual history conversation is to learn about your partner, teach your partner and reassure them as well. The ideal outcome would be to understand each other better on a mental, physical, and emotional level.
Ideally, the conversation about one’s sex history ought to take place before any form of sexual contact. If you are in a long-term relationship and things are not going well, and you have never had a sexual history conversation with your partner – now might be the time to do so! A sexual history conversation can be just what is needed to bring the magic back to the relationship.
Before sharing details, ask yourself how the information would serve your current partner and the relationship you have. It’s not wise to cause unnecessary jealousy, comparison or insecurity issues.
Your current partner does not need to know how good your ex-partner was in bed or how good you were with them. It is not important to give an exact number of previous sex partners or refer to the same ex more than once and pointing out how much they might have met your expectations and fulfilled your wishes. Any information that might cause jealousy should not be put on the table when having a sexual history conversation with your current partner. Also, there is no need to refer to any size of a penis or breast.
Instead of mentioning how many orgasms your previous partner gave you, focus on communicating your wants and needs so your current partner can try their best without feeling not good enough.
Benefits of Sharing Sexual History
1. Understanding of Sexual Health: Knowing each other’s sexual history can help partners understand each other’s sexual health and potential risks of sexually transmitted infections (STIs). This information can also help determine the need for testing or preventative measures.
2. Building Trust: Being open and honest about past sexual experiences can help build trust and intimacy between partners. It shows a willingness to communicate openly and a commitment to transparency in the relationship.
3. Addressing Concerns: Discussing sexual history can help address any concerns or insecurities one partner may have about the other’s past experiences. It can provide reassurance and clarity, preventing misunderstandings or feelings of betrayal.
4. Sexual Compatibility: Understanding each other’s sexual history can help partners gauge their sexual compatibility and preferences. It can help them explore each other’s desires and boundaries, leading to a more fulfilling and satisfying sexual relationship.
5. Transparency and Honesty: Being transparent about sexual history demonstrates honesty and openness in the relationship. It sets the foundation for open communication about sensitive topics and promotes a deeper level of understanding and connection between partners.
6. Emotional Bonding: Discussing sexual history can create a deeper emotional bond between partners by sharing vulnerable and personal information. It can lead to a greater sense of intimacy and closeness, strengthening the emotional connection in the relationship.
Whether you decide to tell all or keep some secrets, what matters most is that you and your partner respect and trust each other. In today’s world of social media and oversharing, finding the right balance can be tricky.
So, should you open up about your sexual past or keep it to yourself? The answer depends on your relationship, your values, and how comfortable you both are with talking about tough topics. After all, a good relationship is built on love and respect, whether you share everything or keep some things private.
I would love to get feedback, questions and recommendations on the topics you would want me to shed light on.
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